Shit. My boss just informed me that pitching a new film project to “industry people” is analogous to dating. I think I picked the wrong career.
I started a new job about 4 months ago as an assistant at a small film and television production company. Prior to taking on this role, I was responsible for tossing menus to the hoity toity Beverly Hills elite at an Italian Restaurant, all the while feigning foreign fluency by uttering such greetings as “Buon Giorno” and “Buona Serra” as said uppity BH folk would protest their seating arrangements. I don’t want to brag, but more often than not, I would convince these various clients (ranging from old time Hollywood producers to women with face lifts the likes of which Joan Rivers has yet to accomplish, to various Z list celebrities, agents, and Michael Bolton,) that table 23 is in fact even lovelier than table 14, which can “get a bit drafty.” I would usually then be suavely slipped a 20 for my valiant efforts.
But those days are gone. And now I am working in an industry whose daily MO consists of phone calls, phone tag, lack of return phone calls, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and coffee dates, emailing, lack of emailing and waiting. A lot of waiting. And pondering. And analyzing. Well do you think Colin Farrell really liked the role? How do you think he’s reacting to the script? Do you think his agent will get back to us? What kind of games is he playing? Those damn agents, never can quite trust ‘em. And the real pisser: Should we just move on to the next guy?
There are a few concentrated areas of life at which I excel: reading, literary analysis, writing, kayaking (I am inexplicably naturally gifted,) foreign language, elipticizing, cooking/entertaining, public speaking and swimming. However, dating is not my forte. It was not missing on the aforementioned list on accident. I actually have concluded that I suck at it. While I would rather get to know someone in a relaxed situation rather than as a part of the institutionalized custom that forces human interaction over a beverage, meal, or activity, I have come to realize that I just don’t know how to play the game.
I have had a handful of dates in my 22 years, enough to gauge my proficiency. Everything from a blind date, at which I hastily asked for the bill and was promptly asked to pay “halfsy wasvy’s” by none other than the cheap ass with whom I was dining, to one too many “Let’s just go out and have drinks,” which then turns into a calculated ploy to spread his seed after properly watering me. (I’m sorry but my loins are worth a hell of a lot more than 2 vodka sodas and thus 2 easy payments of $9.95. OK, it’s LA, the vodka’s probably top shelf-- we’ll go with $14.95.)
There are the occasional good experiences, too. You meet a guy, exchange phone numbers. He calls (nay texts) you the designated 3-5 days later, at which point you exchange witty banter, (albeit over facebook or G Chat,) and arrange a date. And instead of drinks, he suggests dinner. And instead of talking about the inane activity that men your age generally enjoy discussing, you talk about shit that matters, (to you at least). And although you feel you may have fucked things up on more than one occasion, (let's face it, the only game you enjoy is Scrabble--not the proverbial dating game)-- you attempt to patiently await the next phase of the process. All the while you utter cliches including,but not limited to, "It's worth it, you never know if you don't try, and you're a smart, confident woman, what's the worst that could happen--you get a bruised ego?"
And so, the film industry is the same. There are those who go on lunch dates with producers because their pocketbook is a bit slim, and they need some free sustenance. Or there are those who “just ask you for drinks” in an attempt to use you for the information that you have. And you sit and you wait and you ponder what could be going through their heads, until you wonder… When should we go to the next guy? And is it worth doing all over again?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Besos
I'm in a nostalgic mood and revisted a few of Gabriela Mistral's poems tonight that I studied in college. Feel free to marvel at the beauty of her words... (Use this link for the English translation http://www.poemas-del-alma.com/besos.htm)
Hay besos que pronuncian por sí solos
la sentencia de amor condenatoria,
hay besos que se dan con la mirada
hay besos que se dan con la memoria.
Hay besos silenciosos, besos nobles
hay besos enigmáticos, sinceros
hay besos que se dan sólo las almas
hay besos por prohibidos, verdaderos.
Hay besos que calcinan y que hieren,
hay besos que arrebatan los sentidos,
hay besos misteriosos que han dejado
mil sueños errantes y perdidos.
Hay besos problemáticos que encierran
una clave que nadie ha descifrado,
hay besos que engendran la tragedia
cuantas rosas en broche han deshojado.
Hay besos perfumados, besos tibios
que palpitan en íntimos anhelos,
hay besos que en los labios dejan huellas
como un campo de sol entre dos hielos.
Hay besos que parecen azucenas
por sublimes, ingenuos y por puros,
hay besos traicioneros y cobardes,
hay besos maldecidos y perjuros.
Judas besa a Jesús y deja impresa
en su rostro de Dios, la felonía,
mientras la Magdalena con sus besos
fortifica piadosa su agonía.
Desde entonces en los besos palpita
el amor, la traición y los dolores,
en las bodas humanas se parecen
a la brisa que juega con las flores.
Hay besos que producen desvaríos
de amorosa pasión ardiente y loca,
tú los conoces bien son besos míos
inventados por mí, para tu boca.
Besos de llama que en rastro impreso
llevan los surcos de un amor vedado,
besos de tempestad, salvajes besos
que solo nuestros labios han probado.
¿Te acuerdas del primero...? Indefinible;
cubrió tu faz de cárdenos sonrojos
y en los espasmos de emoción terrible,
llenaron sé de lágrimas tus ojos.
¿Te acuerdas que una tarde en loco exceso
te vi celoso imaginando agravios,
te suspendí en mis brazos... vibró un beso,
y qué viste después...? Sangre en mis labios.
Yo te enseñe a besar: los besos fríos
son de impasible corazón de roca,
yo te enseñé a besar con besos míos
inventados por mí, para tu boca.
Hay besos que pronuncian por sí solos
la sentencia de amor condenatoria,
hay besos que se dan con la mirada
hay besos que se dan con la memoria.
Hay besos silenciosos, besos nobles
hay besos enigmáticos, sinceros
hay besos que se dan sólo las almas
hay besos por prohibidos, verdaderos.
Hay besos que calcinan y que hieren,
hay besos que arrebatan los sentidos,
hay besos misteriosos que han dejado
mil sueños errantes y perdidos.
Hay besos problemáticos que encierran
una clave que nadie ha descifrado,
hay besos que engendran la tragedia
cuantas rosas en broche han deshojado.
Hay besos perfumados, besos tibios
que palpitan en íntimos anhelos,
hay besos que en los labios dejan huellas
como un campo de sol entre dos hielos.
Hay besos que parecen azucenas
por sublimes, ingenuos y por puros,
hay besos traicioneros y cobardes,
hay besos maldecidos y perjuros.
Judas besa a Jesús y deja impresa
en su rostro de Dios, la felonía,
mientras la Magdalena con sus besos
fortifica piadosa su agonía.
Desde entonces en los besos palpita
el amor, la traición y los dolores,
en las bodas humanas se parecen
a la brisa que juega con las flores.
Hay besos que producen desvaríos
de amorosa pasión ardiente y loca,
tú los conoces bien son besos míos
inventados por mí, para tu boca.
Besos de llama que en rastro impreso
llevan los surcos de un amor vedado,
besos de tempestad, salvajes besos
que solo nuestros labios han probado.
¿Te acuerdas del primero...? Indefinible;
cubrió tu faz de cárdenos sonrojos
y en los espasmos de emoción terrible,
llenaron sé de lágrimas tus ojos.
¿Te acuerdas que una tarde en loco exceso
te vi celoso imaginando agravios,
te suspendí en mis brazos... vibró un beso,
y qué viste después...? Sangre en mis labios.
Yo te enseñe a besar: los besos fríos
son de impasible corazón de roca,
yo te enseñé a besar con besos míos
inventados por mí, para tu boca.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Decisions, Decisions
OK, so it's been awhile. I haven't written in an exorbitant 38 days. But I'm back. And despite what's happened in these 38 days, (horrendous immigration reform laws being passed in Arizona, a cloud of volanic ash shrouding Europe, a potential car bombing in NYC, and let's not forget the dawning of a new form of obesity with the new KFC heart-attack in a meal double-down sandwich,) my filanges are functioning, and I am back to writing. I know my lovely readers at Chapman University are stoked.
Yesterday, while sitting in my office, I was pondering some of the recent choices that I've made. Some have been uncharacteristic, and have potentially caused my character to be misrepresented. But no one has made them for me, and I must accept their consequences and move on.
My mom has told me since I was young that I must take responsibility for my actions. (Which may be why I have an overactive conscience).
Newton tells us that for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. (Which is why I've never been good at physics).
And UN Leader Koffi Anan tells us, "To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there."
I came across this quote, and, like the true over-analyst that I am, dissected it as it applies to me. I encourage you to do the same--it really helps to put things in perspective.
Who am I?
Janel Anna Waite Schepman--quirky,funny,intelligent,fun,knowledgeable,kind, tempermental,idealistic,imaginitive,hard-working.
What do I stand for?
Christianity,helping people,enjoying life,positivity,promoting a mutual understanding among people and cultures,supporting my family and friends,creativity, humor,wit, intellect,drive and ambition.
Where do I want to go?
Geographically? Anywhere and everywhere! We'll start with South America, Tel Aviv and Thailand.
In general: I would like to ascertain a job that I enjoy, that challenges me creatively and intellectually, I would like to be surrounded by people I care about, I would like to find someone who I love and who loves me (for all my crazy idiosyncracies) in return, and, eventually, I would like to get married and have children.
Why do I want to get there?
To be fulfilled, to feel appreciated and inspired--to give to the world what I know I am capable of giving.
As I've said, I'm idealistic. This may not be the eventual outcome in my life, but this is what I want. And I'm going to try my damndest to make decisions that yield these results.
Yesterday, while sitting in my office, I was pondering some of the recent choices that I've made. Some have been uncharacteristic, and have potentially caused my character to be misrepresented. But no one has made them for me, and I must accept their consequences and move on.
My mom has told me since I was young that I must take responsibility for my actions. (Which may be why I have an overactive conscience).
Newton tells us that for every action there is an equal or opposite reaction. (Which is why I've never been good at physics).
And UN Leader Koffi Anan tells us, "To live is to choose. But to choose well, you must know who you are and what you stand for, where you want to go and why you want to get there."
I came across this quote, and, like the true over-analyst that I am, dissected it as it applies to me. I encourage you to do the same--it really helps to put things in perspective.
Who am I?
Janel Anna Waite Schepman--quirky,funny,intelligent,fun,knowledgeable,kind, tempermental,idealistic,imaginitive,hard-working.
What do I stand for?
Christianity,helping people,enjoying life,positivity,promoting a mutual understanding among people and cultures,supporting my family and friends,creativity, humor,wit, intellect,drive and ambition.
Where do I want to go?
Geographically? Anywhere and everywhere! We'll start with South America, Tel Aviv and Thailand.
In general: I would like to ascertain a job that I enjoy, that challenges me creatively and intellectually, I would like to be surrounded by people I care about, I would like to find someone who I love and who loves me (for all my crazy idiosyncracies) in return, and, eventually, I would like to get married and have children.
Why do I want to get there?
To be fulfilled, to feel appreciated and inspired--to give to the world what I know I am capable of giving.
As I've said, I'm idealistic. This may not be the eventual outcome in my life, but this is what I want. And I'm going to try my damndest to make decisions that yield these results.
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