How to Fight the Fuzz and Win!

How to effectively talk your way out of getting a ticket.

Data collected and experiment tested by: Yours Truly.

1.Have a vagina. And boobs. If you are one of my 3 male readers and you have the genetic misfortune of lacking these integral components, you might want to quit reading now. I can't guarantee that this carefully gathered data will work for you.

2.Commit an obvious infraction. Making a blatantly illegal U-Turn over a double yellow, while operating left of center generally provides enough evidence to alert Johnny Law.

3. Get a little crazy and drive sans seat belt while committing said infraction.

4.When the Constable pulls you over, make sure to lose all sense of composure. Shaking like a whore in church while speaking unintelligibly as said Po Po approaches your car door is generally proper decorum.

5.When asked for your Vehicle's License, Registration and proof of insurance, make sure to provide only your license. Hand over your AAA card instead of the insurance verification. When asked to provide the correct information, be sure to ask the officer what that slip of paper looks like exactly, all the while, rambling on about how, "[Your] father is vigilant about having this paperwork on [your person] at all times."

6. Make sure that the Registration on your vehicle is expired. When asked why, blame it on the DMV. Sticking it to the man once in awhile never hurt anyone.

7. While browsing through your very disorganized folder of car records in your glove compartment, praying that some sort of documentation exists that will absolve you of your cardinal driving sin, make sure to be wearing a strapless beach cover up without undergarments. This will provide for optimal nippage as you lean over in an attempt to retrieve said documents.

8. When asked why you should get off and not get the proverbial book thrown at you, reply by saying that there is no reason. You expect to be punished to the full extent of the law.

9. When the officer exonerates you of your wrongdoing, gravel just the right amount. You don't want to look like a kiss ass. But you also want to make your appreciation apparent. A simple "Thank you, sir, this won't happen again," is sufficient. (Not to mention, you already showed some bosom, even if it was accidental... That should be "thanks" enough.)

10. Write a blog to help others evade the plight of being issued a ticket. Your driving karma is sure to increase as a result.

If you follow these 10 simple steps, I am willing to bet that you too, can fight the law, and win!